Prateeksha, Mumbai                       January 5, 2009                   11:53 pm

Anticipating a problem sometimes robs the beauty of surprise ! But knowing the problem and anticipating it can become a bigger surprise when the problem dissipates. The morning stress test was a bit on those lines. 

All went well from the word ’start walking’ on the tread mill that measures heart reactions. Slow walk, faster, an incline, now run, slow down, meter readings on arm and chest, chest shaved of in patches to connect the leads, satisfied expressions on the Doctors face, a few words of caution, reduce the salt, walk more run less…

Out on the expressway and the traffic, struggling to get to the location on time. All over. All well. And all because the extended family prayed and wished all would go well. I have loved the confidence expressed by some on the blog on the outcome of my visit to the Hospital. Thank you. You are all sooth sayers. Predict some more.. and in favor please !!!

While I negotiated the roving meters of the medical fraternity, the son negotiated the fog laden rail tracks some hours into Jhansi. He should have reached by 3 am. He got in by 7. And after all that trouble and travel, the shoot got cancelled due to heavy fog !!

My own day was pleasant. The moves are getting generous to the body. There is a sense that eventually the song is coming into place and that we could if we tried finish ahead of schedule.

The media reacted positively to the launch. Photographs and write ups galore. Through all that jostling and shoving, it is remarkable they were even able to get some imagery. The lone wretch, boiling and cooking himself in his own stew, was the only exception. But what a joy to find myself still forming his columns. Of him having to devise and think and plan and procure continuously, information and news on me so he can gain some space in his honey dewed portals that desperately seek readership.

There was an interesting and eloquent give and take early morning from Sushmit of CNN on paparazzi. He starting by being apologetic for making an observation. I acknowledging my admiration for the media, but seeking his involvement from our side of the fence before reaching conclusions. Ending in his reverence and endorsement of my presence in their lives and not just from a Friday to a Friday, but in more general terms. Insightful.

Bhawana Somaya, the writer of ‘Bachchanalia’ spent a large portion of my drive to location on the mobile, describing her own fears and apprehensions and evaluations of the evening, which I thought were really not worthy of creating a worry in her mind. But she has been a different senior journalist. One that has not succumbed to the corruption in and around  her profession. Such fears do come up. Innocently and inadvertently. Sweet.

The Salon du Cinema in Paris approaches. The retrospective on my films and the opportunity to showcase some other of Abhishek and Aishwarya’s films. We shall be together again and that prospect is more exciting than the honor itself. There is more honor at Davos this year and within a few days after the Salon. The Economic Forum recognizes my contribution to Indian Cinema and wishes to garland me in the minus temperatures of this quaint little town in Switzerland. And thereafter is the probability of New York to attend the premier of Aishwarya’s film, Pink Panther 2 and to bring in Abhishek’s birthday !!

‘Shoebite’ or now named ‘Johnny Mastana’ is back on track again. Legal issues being taken care of we are on the road again by the end of this month and a bit of February too. Hopefully by then the RGV film would have taken shape as would have ‘Pa’,the make up test for which I will need to travel to Los of Angeles.

Work work and more work. I love this profession. I love the thought of getting up in the morning and traveling to a waiting crew and camera. Of being among creativity. Of repeatedly making efforts to improve on the past. Of committing errors and correcting them. Of pushing the body into crevasses never traversed before. Of the anxiety of wondering whether it will come out right. And the satisfaction of appreciation at the end of it all. Hopefully, most of the time.

I also love the moment I am in now. Of connecting to all, here, in this medium. I look forward to the solitude that shall encompass me as I address blog. Of reading comments, of wondering their state of mind and why they wrote what they did. All just so, so fascinating !! I am blessed to have these, those with me in my life.

Thank you. You are special to me and to the world that you make around me.

You are all names. Yet names that have now imprinted themselves permanently on this canvas. Many among you write to say this blog is a habit, a daily chore, an essential. You cannot imagine what nature of commitment this draws from me. A commitment now in permanence !

With love and all that is beautiful -

Amitabh Bachchan 

Prateeksha, Mumbai                       January 4, 2009                    10:29 pm

Back home and turning in early to be rested well for the stress test tomorrow morning. Just thought I should let those of you that express concern over my work schedule and my sleeping habits know that I value your advice and wish to comply by it.

‘BACHCHANALIA’ was wondrous. The Tata Theatre, elegant restrained well architectured and prestigious. As I drove in from Capitol in record time past the eerie silence of the Trident the tell tale signs of an event start to appear. Police protection and TV antennas of the mobile vans from different channels. As you alight the surrounding area suddenly invites illumination. A host of camera lights burn up and the intermittent flashes of the still camera paparazzi activate themselves as though it will  be the last time they shall be seeing you.

No one knows where to go. No one cares and no one of consequence is around to tell you either. The absolute indiscipline and scant regard to any form of system is a shameful example of what I have been talking about in some of my previous posts. The red carpet tastefully decorated, the hoardings and rare pictures that line up the entrance, the regard for invited guests, all to naught. Indeed subjected to great humiliation and disrespect. The space belongs to them. They will walk where they like, push and shove who they like, scream and shout for attention and don’t you dare say a word against them or even remotely endeavor to reprimand or so much as touch them. They are the exalted media. Beyond question, beyond reprimand, beyond fault.

There is absolute chaos. No sense of dignity to the occasion. No care for protocol.

A delightful exhibition of the films and posters of my 40 years beautifully decorated in the foyer to build a lead up to the function that shall transpire inside is broken pushed and damaged, simply because they want 400 cameras and microphones to be thrust millimeters from your nose. A pose a bite and then more. It reaches levels which are obnoxious. For those of us that get the treatment almost every other day our veteran demeanor at dealing with such situations is now well tested and known. But what of the others. The elders and women that get mercilessly pushed without consideration and without an iota of remorse. Simply disgusting !!

Aamir, the guest of honor for the evening, joins me on the landing and as I wait for the rest of the family, stuck in heavy traffic to come by, we do our mandatory posing for the indisciplined mass of media technology and struggle our way into the auditorium to our seats.

I was last year at Cannes. The media frenzy is no less. But their sense of respect and responsibility to order and decorum is a marvel. Outside the theatre they wait behind barricades designated for them. They never encroach your space. they do voice their attention, but for some reason it sounds so dignified and polite. The fact that they turn out in the same dress as the celebrities in a way shows their respect for the occasion and they never attempt to break any formalities laid down by the organizers. Inside the auditorium they stand patiently away in the side and on a signal walk to the front of the stage to get their moment for posterity and as the dignitaries arrive or are presented on stage they sit down and do not disturb the procedure.

Here, the paparazzi will block your view,  block your car and prevent it from moving, your vision of the proceedings on stage and consider it an indignity that they have been asked to sit down. They have never realized that the guests behind them cannot get any visual and they couldn’t care a damn.

The evening was aesthetic, graceful and unlike any other book release function that I had ever been to. There were great speeches by Neville Tuli of Osian, eatin’ the ‘ing’s’ and not rolling the ‘r’s’, Bhawana Somaya the author, Mani Kaul a director at Osian and a great name in the art cinema history of India. Each one having wonderful anecdotes of days gone by and some incident in these 40 years that had a connection. Aamir, was candid and informal and I was emotional. The book was released. It has been extremely well prepared and published. Research has been the forte of Osian and it showed. The book is not a biography, as widely publicized or talked about, it is actually some thing much more divine and of value. It is a compilation of every single poster that was made for publicity of all my films through these years. It carries small snippets of my personal comment on the film, a brief story line of the production and as an aside right at the bottom of the page a small information of what else of importance was being exhibited in the country cinema during that period. Marvelous idea and simply elegantly put across.

The release formalities over, Neville of missing ‘ing’ fame and I sat on stage for an interaction with the audience. This  delivered. It was unique in concept and it garnered huge debate and questioning of some intelligence I thought, far removed from the other kind of interactions that we are subjected to during our various press conferences at the time of the release of our films.

The importance of documenting cinema history in our country, of preservation for posterity, of discussion on past and present film circumstances, of our aesthetics and those of the so called parallel cinema, of the integrity of being celebrity, of their opinion on society and morals and endless other topics, right down to whether captured terrorist if an admirer, should be treated and met with celebrity of choice.

Many sms’s and compliments later and many ungainly attempts at exiting from the rear gate, Jaya, Abhishek, Aishwarya, Shweta and I felt it was an evening well spent and one worthy of mention to my extended family as well.

The song progresses well at ‘ALADIN’. We are beginning to feel some comfort in our adventurous choreographed moves, driven into us with some deliberation by the one and only Shiamak Davar. A gentle happiness prevails on set when this registers acclaim from all present. Some non smiling faces look brighter now, the air conditioning works, the girls are less bothered with their costumes being strangulatory, there is laughter and talk of accomplished visuals and a whiff of the work being completed ahead of schedule, despite the wardrobe malfunction of the first day.

Aishwarya has returned to Chennai and ‘ROBOT’ and Abhishek has flown to Delhi and boarded a train to Jhansi and then to Orcha in Madhya Pradesh for Mani Ratnam’s film. The intense fog and cold has brought Delhi to extreme weather conditions. Realizing which, schools have been shut, bringing immense cheer in Prateeksha and Jalsa because this means Shweta and Navya-Naveli and Agastya, now in imitation of his Mamu’s hair style can stay longer with us here in Mumbai..!!! Yipeee !!!

So good night and good tidings and a little prayer for me for tomorrows test would not be out of place in asking..

My love as always..

Capitol Cinema, Mumbai                     January 4, 2009/written for January 3                   12:19 pm

Apologies !! Apologies !! Apologies !! I missed out yesterday. It was a strange yet interesting day and I got caught up with many things and did not want to pursue till late in the night. Hence…

The day started with a bit of anxiety. On the tread mill in the gym during the end of my routine, my heart rate did not come down after slowing down my jogging speed. Never happened before. It normally comes down within seconds, but it did not yesterday. It remained high for a fairly long time. So I called my Doc and he advised I return home and lie down and it would settle. I did. And it settled, but not without causing me some concern and worry. Went to the clinic subsequently. ECG taken. All normal and fine. Went to work, monitoring heart rate continuously and it remained normal. It is normal even as I write. I do a stress test tomorrow.

Strange ! But every warning needs to be looked at carefully. I had just done my routine tests a few months back and all was well, so this occurrence needs attention. Which I shall do.

The shoot was fine. We do the last song for ‘ALADIN’. A peppy and hopefully likable number. Sung by me in horrible tones, but what the hell, if the director likes it I shall not complain. Had a hand in its construction too with Vishal and Shekhar.

Then… the book release. ‘BACHCHANalia’. Abhishek and Aishwarya stayed back. Shweta is in town and they all came across. Tata Theatre, the prestigious venue on Marine Drive and wild and packed beyond capacity. Never seen so many people at a book release. Aamir, came across as guest of honor and a huge turn out from the Industry media and society, made the evening a most exhilarating experience.

I will need to spend more time on the event and its details and what it meant to me and the others. Of that later.

The only depressing moment -

I had to drive past for the first time since the incident, the Oberoi Trident Hotel !! The scene of those ghastly hours a month ago. It was eerie and goose flesh and sad and anger and so many other feelings all rolled into one.

And in the very next building, the Tata Theatre, a celebration for a book release !! Just felt odd and difficult to contend with…

I will be with you again.. later tonight..

Amitabh Bachchan